NeuroDiversion is almost sold out! Only 20 tickets left.
Register TodayPathological Demand Avoidance
Strategies that actually help
Pathological demand avoidance (PDA) is an extreme, anxiety-driven need to avoid everyday demands.
It's most often discussed in connection with autism, but it shows up in a range of neurodivergent profiles. The experience is not simple stubbornness. It can feel like panic, loss of control, or a nervous system that goes into fight-or-flight the moment a demand shows up.
This guide is for people who live with demand avoidance, and for parents, partners, teachers, and clinicians who want to help without making things worse. The goal is practical: reduce distress, protect relationships, and make daily life more workable.
The Clinical Picture
PDA is not a formal diagnosis in most countries. It's a descriptive label. Clinicians and researchers use it to refer to a profile marked by obsessive resistance to everyday demands, intense emotional reactions, and social strategies that may look manipulative but are often driven by anxiety and the need to regain control.[1]
People with a PDA profile may:
- • Avoid or resist ordinary requests, even ones they want to do
- • Feel trapped or panicked when asked to comply
- • Use distraction, negotiation, joking, or charm to dodge demands
- • Experience rapid mood shifts or big reactions when pressure rises
- • Seem social on the surface but struggle with deeper social understanding
What It Feels Like
From the inside, it's a mix of urgency and paralysis.
You want to do the thing, but the moment it becomes a demand, your body locks up. It can look like avoidance from the outside. From the inside, it can feel like a pressure cooker.
- • The request hits and your heart rate jumps
- • Your brain searches for an escape route
- • You feel cornered, even if the person is kind
- • You want to be cooperative but the panic is louder
Common Triggers
Triggers aren't just big, obvious demands. They're often cumulative.
Sudden transitions
Without warning or prep time
Time pressure
Countdowns and deadlines
Being watched
While doing a task
Repeated reminders
That feel like nagging
Social expectations
With unclear rules
Accumulation
Too many demands in one day
Why It Happens
There's no single explanation, but most clinical descriptions point to anxiety, nervous system overload, and a strong need for autonomy. When a demand shows up, the body can read it as a threat. That threat response makes problem-solving harder and increases avoidance, which then brings more pressure, and the cycle intensifies.
Studies of PDA traits in autistic samples suggest that demand avoidance can be common in some subgroups, especially in childhood, though persistence into adulthood varies.[2] Adult self-report measures also show demand avoidance traits exist in the general population and are linked to emotional instability and distress.[3]
None of this means someone is "choosing" to be difficult. It means the demand itself can trigger a high-stress response.
The best strategies lower that stress first.
What Actually Helps
These strategies aren't about "winning" or getting compliance at all costs. They're about reducing threat and increasing a sense of safety and choice.
Lower the Demand Load
If every moment is a demand, the nervous system never gets a break. Look at the whole day, not just the one request.
- • Cut non-essential tasks for a while
- • Separate "must do" from "nice to do"
- • Build in quiet time after school, work, or social events
- • Save high-demand tasks for better-regulated times of day
Use Declarative Language
Declarative language reduces the sense of being controlled. It states facts and invites choice.
Instead of: "Get dressed now."
Try: "Clothes are on the chair."
Instead of: "Finish your homework."
Try: "Homework is open on the desk if you want to tackle it."
Offer Genuine Options
Choices only help if both options are real. If one option is fake, the person will feel trapped again.
- • "We can do it now or after a snack"
- • "Do you want to start with math or reading?"
- • "Do you want to sit here or at the table?"
If you can't accept "no" at all, say that calmly and give a timeline: "This has to happen today. We can pick the time together."
Co-Regulate Before Problem-Solving
When someone is in fight-or-flight, logic doesn't work. Co-regulation is a calm, steady presence that helps the nervous system settle.
- • Keep your voice low and slow
- • Use fewer words
- • Step back physically to reduce pressure
- • Mirror calm breathing or offer a short break
Once the body settles, problem-solving becomes possible.
Make Demands Feel Collaborative
PDA brains often respond to teamwork better than authority. Create a shared problem to solve.
- • "We both want a smoother morning. What would make it easier?"
- • "Let's figure out a plan that works for both of us"
- • "What do you need to get started?"
Be ready for creative solutions. They may not look like your original plan, and that's often okay.
Use Role-Play or Novelty
Many people with PDA respond well to play, humor, or a change in context. It creates psychological distance from the demand.
- • Turn a task into a game or a challenge
- • Use a timer race, but keep it friendly
- • Try a "mission" framing: "Operation Backpack" or "Kitchen Rescue"
You're lowering the emotional weight of the demand, not tricking anyone into compliance.
Build Predictable Exit Ramps
Knowing there is a way out lowers anxiety. Build a clear pause option.
- • "We can stop and try again later"
- • "If it feels too big, we can do five minutes and pause"
- • "If you start and hate it, you can ask for a reset"
A clear exit option gives the nervous system a safety valve — and makes cooperation more likely, not less.
Reduce Power Struggles in Advance
Power struggles are a sign that the nervous system is in threat mode. Build supports that reduce daily friction.
- • Use visual schedules that are flexible, not rigid
- • Pre-agree on transitions and reminders
- • Protect sleep, food, and downtime
- • Keep mornings and evenings low-demand
The more predictable the environment, the less the demand feels like an ambush.
What Not to Do
These responses often backfire by increasing threat.
Don't escalate the demand volume. More pressure usually makes avoidance worse.
Don't crowd or corner. Physically or socially — it spikes anxiety fast.
Don't threaten consequences in the moment. Threats during dysregulation don't land; they escalate.
Don't assume manipulation. Most avoidance is driven by panic, not power plays.
Don't argue during dysregulation. Arguing fuels the spiral. Wait for the body to settle first.
If you're the one with PDA, the same applies internally. Self-criticism often increases shutdown. Try a softer reset instead.
When Professional Help Can Make a Difference
If demand avoidance is disrupting school, work, or relationships, extra support can help. Look for clinicians who understand autism and anxiety and who are open to collaborative, low-demand approaches.
Some therapies focus on emotion regulation, sensory processing, and nervous system safety. Parent coaching or family therapy can also help with practical routines and communication.
It's also okay to ask a clinician to explore whether autism, ADHD, trauma, or anxiety are part of the picture. PDA traits often overlap with these profiles.[1][2]
Long-Term Living
Creating a lifestyle that keeps demands in the green zone more often.
Build a Demand Budget
Write down everything that feels like a demand in a day. Then cut or automate a few. Use delivery, simplify routines, or reduce social commitments for a season.
This isn't failure. It's pacing.
Remember that self-demands count too. The voice in your head that says "You should do this right now" can trigger the same shutdown as someone else's request. Try softer prompts, timers you control, or body-based cues like "After I stretch, I will start."
Protect Autonomy
People with PDA do better when they have real control in their day. That can be as small as choosing the order of tasks or as big as choosing a job with flexible deadlines.
Build Self-Advocacy Scripts
Short, clear scripts reduce the pressure to explain everything.
- • "I need a different way to approach that"
- • "I can do it, but not under a hard deadline"
- • "I need a few minutes to reset first"
School and Workplace Supports
PDA-friendly supports often look like flexibility plus predictability. In school, that can mean reduced homework volume, alternative ways to show learning, and fewer public demands. In work settings, it can look like clear priorities, fewer surprise requests, and a heads-up before shifting tasks.
When advocating for yourself:
Frame requests in terms of outcomes: "I deliver stronger work when I have a clear priority list and fewer last-minute changes." This keeps the focus on performance and helps people understand why the change matters.
Focus on Repair, Not Perfection
Demand avoidance can lead to ruptures. The long game is learning how to repair them. A simple "That was hard. I want to try again" goes a long way.
Pathological demand avoidance comes from a nervous system that reads demands as threats — not from laziness or defiance. When you lower pressure, increase choice, and lead with regulation, cooperation becomes possible.
Want to connect with others who get it?
Join us at NeuroDiversion March 20–22, 2026 in Austin, Texas — where hundreds of neurodivergent people come together to learn, connect, and celebrate the way our brains work.
References
- O'Nions E, Viding E, Greven CU, Ronald A, Happe F. Pathological demand avoidance: exploring the behavioural profile. Autism. 2014;18(5):538-544. doi:10.1177/1362361313481861.
- Gillberg C, Gillberg IC, Thompson L, Biskupsto R, Billstedt E. Extreme ("pathological") demand avoidance in autism: a general population study in the Faroe Islands. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. 2015;24(8):979-984. doi:10.1007/s00787-014-0647-3.
- Egan V, Linenberg O, O'Nions E. The measurement of adult pathological demand avoidance traits. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2019;49(2):481-494. doi:10.1007/s10803-018-3722-7.
This article is for education and support, not medical advice. If you are struggling or in crisis, reach out to a licensed clinician or local support services.
Last updated: February 2026
Questions & Adventure
Great question—it's very different. There actually isn’t any other existing conference or event specifically for the neurodivergent community, or anyone who just thinks differently. Some events focus on clinical education or academic research, which is cool—but there’s a growing audience of people who enjoy learning about neurodivergence on their own.
We'll be based at Fair Market, a beautiful event space in East Austin close to many restaurants and hotels. It's 15 minutes from the airport and you won't need a car unless you choose to stay farther away.
We have the entire event space (both inside and outside—it's big!) for the whole time of the event, and won't be sharing it with any other group.
Not just before, but also during and after! This will be a key feature of ND26. At least a few weeks before the event, you'll have access to an app that allows you to browse attendee interests and make initial connections.
Once the big week arrives, programming details will be added, so you can choose which activities to attend and easily make new friends.
(We think you’ll like the app, but if you prefer to opt out of being listed in it, you can do that too.)
Tickets will go on sale in three rounds, with all-access pricing of $597. This price includes all activities and sessions for the three-day event.
NeuroDiversion is hosted by Chris Guillebeau, bestselling author and founder of the World Domination Summit, an annual event in Portland, Oregon that brought together thousands of people for a decade.
The planning team has years of experience producing WDS and other events. To bring it all together, we'll be joined by more than 50 on-site volunteers to create a remarkable new experience.
You can also see a few of the people who are coming on this page. (And when you register, we'll add your name as well! Unless you don't want us to, which is totally cool.)
Another great question! First, almost everyone on the planning team has personal experience with ADHD, ASD, or another neurodivergent type. We didn’t come to this idea merely out of academic interest. :)
Accordingly, we’re thinking through the process of conference design in a different way. We know how important sensory sensitivities can be. Expect a range of high-sensory experiences and space to chill or decompress as you see fit.
Talks will be short—if you like the speaker, you can join them for a post-talk meetup, but you can also escape from anything you don't enjoy. The schedule will allow for plenty of time for you to do what you need. (And if you’re not sure what you need, there will be options.)
Above all, we’re going to rely on everyone to make it a welcoming and collaborative experience. If you like the idea of being part of pioneering something magical and new, we need you.
Think of our schedule as a flexible framework. Each day has anchor points (two sessions where everyone comes together) that provide rhythm, but what happens between those points is up to you.
Want to attend every scheduled breakout or workshop? Great! Need to skip something for alone time or an impromptu conversation? Also great! We'll use a simple app to help you track what's happening when, but you're never locked into anything.
We've designed ND26 with overwhelm in mind. You'll find quiet spaces throughout the venue where you can decompress whenever needed. The schedule includes natural breaks between sessions, but you're always free to step away for extra time if you need it.
No explanation necessary—we get it. We'll clearly mark the quieter areas of the venue so you can easily find a spot to reset.
Yep! For ND26, we're working with THREE hotel partners all very close to the main venues. We'll share discount booking codes with attendees within 24 hours of registration. And while many people like to stay close to the action, you don't have to stay in one of our partner hotels if you don't want to.
Older kids and teens, definitely! And not just attend—they can also participate. There will likely be a few sessions that are appropriate only for adults, but the great majority of programming will be family-friendly.
Absolutely—and you won't be alone in feeling this way. We're creating multiple paths for connection that don't require traditional networking. You might enjoy joining a meetup where the focus is on doing rather than talking, or you might prefer to observe from the sidelines.
This is a gathering of people who understand social challenges firsthand, so you can be as passive or active as feels right to you.
You can do that if that's all you can get away for, but there's only one ticket option. You'll enjoy the experience much more if you stay for the whole three days, like most attendees.
Yes you can! New for 2026, we'll be offering a package of continuing education (CE) credits for our clinicians in attendance. You can purchase this 12-15 unit package for $149 after registering.
Possibly! Many employers support personal development opportunities like NeuroDiversion, and some of our attendees have already had success getting their costs covered.
Your company and organization may already have a process for this, but in case it's helpful, we've made an employer letter template you can use to support the request. Be sure to copy the template into a new document so you can customize it with your details before submitting. :)
Maybe! But first, note that we're doing everything possible to keep costs low while putting together a brand-new experience. Most of our team are volunteering their time and labor, including our founder and all speakers, and we rely on ticket sales to fund the experience.
That said, we do want to provide a few scholarships to help those who wouldn't otherwise be able to attend. Fill out this form if that might be you.
That's great! We'll take applications for community programming on a rolling basis. Most sessions are now full, but you can still host a meetup or propose a story for the main stage.
How rude of us! But we'll fix that: send us an email at team@neurodiversion.org.
Sound Interesting?
Join the list to be the first to hear about ticket sales!
